Have you ever felt stuck, uncertain, or out of sync with your life’s direction? I certainly have. So let's explore the reasons behind the feeling stuck -story and why the concept of self-leadership changes everything.
Diving into the real issues - three examples
When life doesn’t go the way we want, it’s really easy to start searching for reasons outside of ourselves. Finding someone or something to blame for our current situation can be tempting, but doing so removes us from the equation, meaning we take little to no responsibility for how our lives actually look. And no matter how much we blame others or external circumstances, change doesn’t happen.
Lack of Taking Responsibility
The idea of responsibility can feel overwhelming if you haven’t fully embraced it before. Maybe someone, a parent for example, has always carried it for you (with good intentions). But at some point, it’s important to realize that, as adults, we are 100% responsible for our actions, decisions, and behavior.
Feeling Sorry for Yourself
What kind of attitude and self-talk do you have when you're in an unhappy situation? Do you spend time feeling sorry for yourself?
This was a big issue for me before I made this heartset and mindset shift to self-leadership mode. If I felt stuck or like no matter what I did, I kept hitting a wall, I would go to our bedroom, lie on the bed, and either cry or get caught in a loop of negative self-talk. Or both. Then I’d wait for my husband to come and comfort me, to give me a motivational speech. Looking back, I can see this was victim mentality and attention-seeking behavior—which, by the way, gets us nowhere!
Feeling sorry for yourself is a total waste of energy and time. Your focus stays on what you don't want instead of what you do want. But why is it easier to put the focus on the negative? We don't even have to try. The positive takes effort and requires intentional change, and we all know that making sustainable change takes more than just a burst of motivation. It requires changing how we think, feel, react and act. And behind all of that is our belief system about ourselves, that has developed over the years. And that's something worth of exploring to gain self-awareness.
When Your Belief System Works Against You
We all have beliefs about ourselves. Some are built around confidence and trust—statements like “I can” or “I’m good at this.” But we also have limiting beliefs, and if we’re not aware of them, they can work against us.
Changing beliefs is a crucial part of making any real change. No matter how motivated you are, if you have a deep-seated belief that says “I can’t do this,” your brain will give you an error message the moment you reach the point where that belief should function differently.
The Concept of Self-Leadership
Leading yourself is like being the CEO of your own life. How exciting is that? You get to make all the decisions.
Want to lose weight? Switch careers? Change your life in any way? You’re in charge of making a plan and structuring your life so that those goals become achievable. I know this may sound too simple, and maybe that even irritates you a little (if so, that’s just your defense mechanism talking). But simple doesn’t mean easy.
The key is understanding that any change you make is for you. And that makes it worth it.
What does the 100% of responsibility really mean?
It means you take leadership in every area of your life—health, finances, relationships, career, and beyond. If your life isn’t where you want it to be, it’s your responsibility to start making changes. No one else can do it for you.
Start with an Inventory of Your Life
First, take stock of your current situation. Here are some questions to reflect on:
What’s working well in your life that you want to keep?
What doesn't work in your life at the moment?
What do you want to change?
How do you currently spend your time on a daily basis? What activities takes your time and energy?
How important is it for you to make these changes happen? And what kind of impact the changes would have?
How committed are you to actually implementing change?
Make Self-Reflection a Routine
To understand how you think, feel, react, and act, you need to engage in regular self-reflection. Becoming aware of your own behavioral patterns is key to breaking free from them.
And honesty is crucial here. There’s no point in lying to yourself—it only slows the process. One way to practice self-reflection is by observing your own behavior in daily situations. Ask yourself:
What triggers my irritation, anger, sadness, or disappointment?
What brings me joy?
How do I handle conflicts or set boundaries?
Why do I compare myself to others?
Why do I feel unheard in conversations?
What kind of relationships I have? Are they uplifting or keeping me stuck?
Is the work I do in alignment with my values, passions and gifts?
Recording these kind of reflections in a notebook can be eye-opening. Self-reflection and self-awareness are at the core of self-leadership.
Lead yourself to Changing Beliefs
Self-reflection and awareness give you valuable insights about yourself. You may discover limiting beliefs or recurring patterns that no longer serve you. And often, these beliefs don’t exist in isolation—there’s a whole network of them influencing one another. That’s why deep change sometimes requires unraveling multiple layers before transformation can truly happen.
Practices like meditation and energy healing (if you’re open to it) can help speed up this process. Since beliefs are stored in the subconscious, real change must happen on that level. It’s not just about thinking differently; it’s about reprogramming the way your mind works. Sometimes, getting support from an expert, like an energy healing practitioner, can make this process smoother.
How Self-Leadership Changed My Life
The moment I started to think, feel, react, and act like a leader I could respect, everything began to shift. I took inventory of my life, reflected deeply on what needed to change, and identified behaviors that kept me stuck—things that weren’t serving me or helping me achieve my goals.
One concrete example? I realized I was spending way too much time mindlessly scrolling through social media. So, I made a change. I set my phone to "concentration mode" from 4:30 AM to 10:00 AM (I wake up early) to eliminate distractions. This gave me uninterrupted time for the things that truly matter—meditating, reading, journaling my thoughts and goals, training at the gym, and working/studying with full focus. The results have been incredible!
After successfully implementing this morning routine, I decided to create an evening routine as well. At 7:30 PM, I go to my bedroom and do three things:
Gratitude practice – I stand in front of the mirror and say positive things to myself.
Reading a book – A calming way to wind down.
Meditation – Helps me relax before sleep.
The best part? I’m leading my own energy instead of letting distractions lead me. And it’s like a snowball effect—one positive change inspires another. When you see results, you want more! Now, I continuously organize my life in ways that feel amazing.
Final Thoughts
Self-leadership is about taking full responsibility for your life, leading yourself with awareness, and making intentional choices. It’s not always easy, but the rewards are life-changing.
The best part? You are in charge. And that means you have the power to create the life you truly want.
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